Creative Creation Myth
Long ago, there used to be great beings called Garjoonkaboonkaboonkas which traveled the universe in their great space ships. These beings were larger than anything you could imagine. One of their fists was over a thousand times bigger than the largest mountain on earth. These amazing Garjoonkaboonkaboonkas also had companions who were amazing beings. They were swift, intelligent, curious, and came in an amazing array of designer colors.
One of the most curious companions was a creature called Meklabohjeendadoodaipota, or The Muffin Man, for short. He was shaped like a pastry, with arms, legs, and the usual facial features. However, he lacked one very vital body part. What he was missing was an area where he could excrete his extra bodily fluids and solids. [ If you catch my drift. ] The Garjoonkaboonkaboonkas warned The Muffin Man to never eat or drink anything, or else he would suffer extreme consequences.
One day, a scientist created his worst experiment ever. It was called broccoli, and was supposed to contain healthy nutrients for the body, but it just ended up tasting bad no matter what you did to it. The only good thing about broccoli was that it was quite interesting to look at, so he placed it in a jar and put it on his shelf. Above the jar, he tacked up a sign saying, “Mistakes happen, don’t repeat them.”
The little Muffin Man was on an errand for his mother, sending a note to the scientist. He entered his house, looking cautiously. Unfortunately, his curiosity took over him, and he wandered into the scientist’s lab. He stared, amazed, until his eyes came to rest upon the broccoli. “What in the name of the third galaxy of the Baijjolun race is that?” he wondered. He grabbed the bottle off the shelf, opening the jar to get a closer look. He had just grabbed the broccoli with his little hands, when the door burst open, for the scientist had entered his lab.
“Muffin Man? What are you doing in here?” the scientist asked.
The Muffin Man quickly shoved the broccoli in his mouth, in order to make his evidence disappear. [ He quickly regretted his decision after it touched his tongue. ] He managed to somehow gulp down the vile substance, and show a small smile. “My mother sent me on an errand.” He shoved the note into the scientist’s hand and ran out of the house.
Later that night, The Muffin Man awoke from his sleep. He felt a pain in his stomach that he had never felt before. It felt like a creature was trying to escape his body, but had no way out. “Ouch! Mommy! Help me!” His mother ran into his room, wondering what the matter was.
“Muffin Man, what’s wrong?”
“My tummy, it hurts…”
The Muffin Man’s mother turned on the light in order to see well. She quickly gasped in shock at what she saw. The Muffin Man’s beautiful designer earth toned skin was covered in green tufts and splotches. After recovering from her initial shock, she screamed and ran to get the scientist. He was well known for his medical cures in unusual circumstances.
“Well, well, well…” He muttered. “Muffin Man, you’ve eaten one of my experiments haven’t you?”
The Muffin Man nodded, ashamed and embarrassed.
“Well, it seems that because the broccoli had no way to leave his body, it simply crept through onto his skin. His skin is quite porous you know.”
“What are we going to do?” His mother shrieked. “His orbital initiation is soon! He’ll be so embarrassed!”
An orbital initiation was something that male Garjoonkaboonkaboonkas companions went through. They all circled quickly to show that they had the skills and endurance to be good planets, and because of all that spinning, they became somewhat spherical. After the orbital initiation, companions became planets and traveled around stars for the rest of their lives, circling systems, and talking with fellow planets.
“I’m thirsty…” The Muffin Man groaned. “Can I please have some water? I need to get that disgusting broccoli taste out of my mouth. Besides, what else can happen?”
So his mother went to fetch him a glass of water as the scientist sat deep in thought. As The Muffin Man drank more and more water, the scientist and The Muffin Man’s mother watched both horrified and amazed. Droplets of water were beginning to seep through, until he was covered in both water and broccoli patches, all over his skin!
“Aha!” the scientist shouted! “The Muffin Man doesn’t need to be embarrassed. For although he looks strange, he shall soon be the first planet to carry life forms! These primitive beings must be very small, and they can live on the patches of broccoli in order to prevent from drowning. That way, he can be just as special as other planets, if not, even more so, and he won’t be lonely…just in case others ignore him for his strange looks.” He added quietly.
The scientist created extremely small beings, which would live on The Muffin Man. While making these beings, he was sure to add some very vital body parts, so that they would not suffer the same fate as The Muffin Man. He added excretion holes. Now The Muffin Man is never alone, and a new race of creatures was created.
THiNK ABOUT iT PEOPLES...WHERE WOULD YOU BE W/O YOUR BUTT CRACKS?
(c) jane lotus chong
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